today has been the worste and might be last day of my life
first it just seemed like cheyenne was avoiding me
then i faill most of my midterms
then when i thought the day was ok i ran into chey and randy
then i go home and saw the picture of cheyenne kissing randy

so right now im in a mood to just fucking die and could really care less if i do die
yeah i know call me selfish call me stupid call me emo but i do

I want to die

couldent evan do one favor for me a half of an hour to talk to me to help me calm down after i just faught with my mom

i justtold her what happened online

i really just wish she could have done this one favor for me

ok well yesterday was cool
i talked on the phone with chey in the morning and it was cool
then i hung around the house for a couple hours doing pretty much nothing at all
Then finally 6 came around and i left for the mcfeelys and black belt club shows
They were good the mcfeelys were as always fast and hardcore..
evan some of the other bands that played were good
so yeah thats pretty much it cheyenne aint pickin up her phone today so maybe i'll talk to her later

PEace

ok i finally got the journal a little but of the way i want it. yeah its not the best but at least i got a diffrent look. Not sure if everything is set with me and chey. shes says i didnt ruin the day and i hope she means it. ok well im gonna go lay down or somthing now.

Cheyenen i love you
Bye

I feel so horrible...i had a great day with cheyenne everything was going great....then i talk to her online and i got upset with something and yelled at her...i felt really bad after and i applogized and that just made her more mad...she did say it was "fine" but i knew that she didnt mean it i knew she was mad as hell with me and i started freaking out oh and by the way when this does happen i dont evan know that im doing it....so she ignored me for the longest time and i dont want to talk about what happened in between that time...but now she is talking to me and i dont know i dont like preteneding things are ok and with every im i still am crying hoping she forgives me and i feel terrible cause i fucked up the whole entire day......why do i ruin eveything....

eh today was ok i had a few rushes of being real sad......yeah but they got better, cheyenne if ur reading this i think what happened the other day you know the thing i told you was only cause of low sugar maybe i dont know.....im gonna keep an eye on it its really scaring me though...

Like i was saying though someone told me today that i need help, thanks for that one. Probally had nopthing to do with me and sean taping our heads and crap.

I dont know if it wasent for most of my friends i would defintly be in a complete state of depression.
Cheyenne has and i hope always will still be here and there for me. I thank her alot for that it really means alot that i can talk to her about things. Cheyenne if ur reading THANK YOU i mean that =)

Ok well im bored and i think im going to go write music or listen to it or play a game or soemthing maybe i'll go lay down or something

Bye

I really miss her alot.

It is hard but as long as she dosent want me completly out of her life there is still a little bit of a reason to live

I just hope....

She dosent....

Forget me....

every time I open up my eyes
the innocence and purity goes
and I wake up every day blind
the innocence and purity is gone

you shouldn't say anything, not a word,
I feel no pain
I'm jumping out of windows screaming "finally!"
the clouds are at my fingers tips the sun within reach
I feel the heat before I hit I ground

forget me, forget my face, forgive me, and take everything

before it takes you, before it craves you...
before it takes you, remember, to take everything back

the innocence and purity is gone
the innocence and purity was gone

god today was a mixed day, at first i called chey and she was on the other line...that just kinda upset cause she said she would call me the night before, so i got on to myspace and there was this picture of her and randy....that kinda just was a punch in the face. I guesse im better now though, i might not go on myspace and if i do im gonna have to like try not to look over at the friend thing....she said she would change it.

Now im just cold and bored, i got no one to talk to and all my music is getting old.

It feels like now whenever im out of my room....scratch that whenever im out of my bed i get depressed. Its nottin big i think im just tired.

I cant wait to actually get things workin with the GG Cover songs and crap...blah i dont evan thing i can do that.....oh well im gonna go lay down again

Peace

((Tech Update))

My LJ is all fucked up so im sorry if its hard to read, i might fix it sometime soon...i'll still update though so just keep checking in....

Peace

.....
I tried to go snowboarding at the hell down the streat but it sucked.
so now im back here infront of my computer doing notin and still alone.
Its sad cause i just read some of my old comments from my past post, back when me and chey were goin out.
I miss her alot.
Im gonna go lay down now.
Good Bye

4 more days....
yeah today it going really slow and i feel really alone today. I have like no one to talk to and its only like 1:09....wow its already felt like the day was almost over....damn this sucks

I'm hoping that cheyenne will call me later today. Yup and hectors phone is still not connected. I dont know about Eric yet maybe he and i could do something today. Feh yeah right im probally gonna be in this house for the rest of the day.

Yeah so here is a little something, its a video back durin the summer or sometime.

http://www.youtube.com/?v=3UcIopTdcKA

((Edit)) I could not get the video to stream directly onto my LJ so just click the link to watch it

Well im still tired and all that i actually got maybe an extra hour of sleep last night, im going to cheyenne tommarow and im kinda worried. Cause of alot of memorys are there and being with cheyenne. I mean im lookin foward to hanging out with her im just afraid that im, ahh i dont evan know how to explain it. It makes perfect sense in my mind but i cant type it out. Blah anyway im gettin ready to eat something.

Another thing is i might be going to the McFeelys show the 21st and thats gonna be cool. Only worry for me is they might be opening. Bleh i dont know but its gonna be cool

Well i'll update later maybe

Peace

ok bad news....i cant go to the prom

so i AM going to the prom....i have got the $40 to get my ticket and my parents are going to pitch in for the tux...cant wait....kinda pissed that i just found out about a mcfeelys concert tonite at the flywheel...i really want to go to that but i dont got a ride....that blows...i went to anime today and we filmed like a salem witch trials thing....we did this random acussing thing were we shorted out stupid things and then we all moshed to music and blah blah....i got to go to chey's for awhile to...so all around it was a good day....ok so now im going to go listen to more music and do other crap

Wow its been awhile since i have updated my LJ....not like anyone reads it but anyway nottin to new....my Bday just passed and i got some cool stuff....i got the new HIM cd i got a psp and i got a few games....halloween was yesterday...me chey hector and hector's bro/cousin hung out...we were zombies and cheyenne was an angel...lol we scared people it was soooo fun....i went to 6 flags too the fright fest was cool and i went on a few rides too.....now im tired....im hopinh that chey can do something this weekend....im starting a new band kind of a hardcore punk band

Singer= Me
Guitar= Kevin
Bass= Still Lookin
Drums= Kenny (undecided)

so yeah thats kinda it im gonna go and listen to music write music and all that funn crap....

Yes i am finally posting again....Whats new...Well i started school again im in my sophmore year and well im going to school so blah blah blah here i am....nothing new has really happen...i was grounded this week and coudlent do anything with chey-chey....that really upset me...so we planned for this saturday i cant wait....while im on the subject im waiting for chey to call me now...she uasally calls me around 8 so im wondering wht is going on....i tried her cell she didnt answer so yup im still waiting...im siting here browsing the internet listing to music and updating my LJ....so yeah its about 9:13 and she cant talk after 9:30...so yeah my hopes aint to high for a call tonight....yeah....anyway...im starting to get ready to film im making....dont have a name yet but i guesse its going to be a kind of comdey/drama/music-video....kind of thing...really cant wait and with my cam erics 2 cams and maybe johns then we will have a good angle set up....Eric has had som expierence....hey good news chey-chey just called yay!!!....ok so yeah like i was saing the movies gonna be about friends and all that shit...kinda like each friends own style.....Metal head, Emo Kid, Goth Kid, Punk Rocker, ...and a "Normal Kid" you know that kind of kid that dosent really fall into any catigory.....so yeah i'll fill you all in later...SEE YA
I LOVE YOU CHEYENNE



Clip From The Band Film
"Dude I Dont Know What I Just Landed In"--Me after jumping

So heres what happened...i did not go to six flags ...i was so pissed....so instead the night before we rocked out playing games and listing to music till one-o-clock....around the time we were getting ready to go to sleep i called cheyenne...i just wanted to hear her voice and tell her i love her....she so cute...ok so then we slept till about 10....around that time we got up and ate some breakfest...then of course we played games until around 11:30...this is when me and hector decided to go to the mall...so thats what we did we got ready and around 12:00 we went over to the mall....we hung out there looking around and all that crap we do...we both got a poster and a game...i got a poster of the Band Misfits and he got a poster of HIM.....i got a game called Judge Dredd....He got Punisher....ther are both really good games....

I finally left his house around 6:30...the second i got home i called cheyenne of course...i had been dieing to talk to her and hear her voice and her to tell me how much she loves me...<3....she didnt answer....and thats where i am now..i have been calling alot dieing to talk to her but she isent answering...i just hope everything is ok i really want to talk to her...no one is evan answering the house phone and it is 9:00...i checked online and she chagnged her Myspace thing to .."Can You Say Drama"...that kinda made me worry a-bit...i just really hope everything is ok and i can talk to her tonight...i really really want to hear her voice again...i miss her so much and hope that we can do somthing probally monday...ok...im gonna go now...i think i'll try to get a hold of her again....

I love cheyenne


--Brian

Ok so i think i might update...yup its been awhile...here we...I LOVE CHEYENNE...yes yes i do...i saw her the yesterday and monday we had a wonderful time....well we made out and [Censored]...lol ok so any way...im leaving for hectors today im gonna spend the night and then go to six flag..=D yes six flags....we gonna have alot of fun...omg i cant wait to go on all those spinner ride things...and the water park!!!...ok yeah i know its been awhile and this is a very short post but hey its me i dont make long posts and updates so there *sticks out tounge* but i am gonna do this

Seven Things I love about Cheyenne that she may not know about herself:Oh yeah hun im doing this to ;)

1.When she runs up behind me and hugs be from behind
2.When she lays against me
3.She looks me in the eyes and says she loves me
4.When She rubs my arm,chest,leg....etc
5.When she kisses my neck and stomach
6.When she sleeps on me
7.When she spontaneously hugs me and kisses me
-----------------------------------------------
trust me there will definitly be more

Cheyenne I love you with all my heart <33333333333333333